Chapter 54
Previously: The Rose of Whitby – Chapter 53
Darcy sleeps in late, even later than she normally does, maybe to wait for one last night on John finding her in the dreamscape, but he doesn’t come. She has to give up waiting, she supposes, and accept that the world has gone a bit greyer.
When she wakes up, finally, it’s to her drac sighing, but for the first time in two weeks it comes to her to sit at her side. She feels lonely, as if she now finally truly lost John, but at least she has herself again. Pain is something that’s familiar, something that can give her security. Her drac is sad now, no longer in anguish. Her drac feels more like her mother sitting at her side.
Probably that shouldn’t surprise her. It was her mother who fed her after she saved her. Gave her the pain and relief Gregory didn’t understand she needed. Maybe she isn’t too much for her mother. Maybe she’s no longer too much for her drac, either.
Gregory seems less uncomfortable with her, he even stays with her throughout breakfast. The human food still makes her stomach cramp after all the days of nothing but blood, but she fights to keep it down. It’s the day before her wedding, she really needs to keep it together. For Gregory. She’s been enough of a disappointment to him the last two weeks. She’s weary and exhausted, but she feels more in control of herself again.
Once she tells Gregory, he immediately asks if that means they can finally see John again. Now she wishes her stomach would cramp up from the food rather than from the fear and insecurity strangling her. But if it’s important to Gregory… and she wants to see John so badly. She misses him, she wants him happy, even though he moved on from her. Maybe he’d still like to see her. Maybe they can be friends?
It takes until the evening. At least she finally could work with Arthur on the last pieces without him clearly being unsure about her, too. But then there’s John, standing in the door to her room. For just a moment, he looks at her with so much emotion, his breath the beautiful wind of truth and safety she knows, but then he shuts her out. His face closes off and he just smiles, doesn’t come closer.
~~~~
Fuck, how is he supposed to do this? She’s right there. Only a few steps away. Only a few steps he’d need to take and wrap his arms around her. But he can’t. Gregory already made it clear that it’s only thanks to him that Darcy is seeing him at all.
He has to keep his distance, no matter how much it hurts. He knows how much he hurt her, hurt her drac. He doesn’t want to make it worse. He’d probably make it worse if he says too much. She’s such an amazing woman, she’d just worry. So he stands right there, tries to be stoic for her, tries to not make it worse by letting it show how devastated he is.
He says the only thing that comes to mind, using the words Gregory used because those must come from Darcy. “Hope your dhampir problem is getting better. I’ll stay away from your drac.”
~~~~
The last little bit of colour drains out of the world for Darcy. The scents fade into the nothing that her drac plummets into.
John, her John, thinks she’s having a dhampir problem? He is staying away from her drac?! But he made her believe he likes her drac? What did she fight so hard for when even he doesn’t want her as who she is?
Tears well up, bloody tears, and she doesn’t care how inhuman that is.
Gregory is rolling his eyes at her and telling her it’s alright, he doesn’t care, but then he startles back as she’s out of her chair and running. She shoves John out of the way, can hear him crash hard against the other side of the corridor and part of her cries out with worry, but another part tells her it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want to be close to her anyway!
She did all this, she hurt so badly, she was sick to her stomach with worry about how bad she is for him. And he’ll stay away from her because her drac misbehaved? Problem. Problem. Problem! He called her being a dhampir a problem! She loved his soul!
… No, she didn’t…
Her steps slow down, she doesn’t even know when she had turned wolf, or when she had run back into her beloved maze to hide. But now she crashes into the grass right where she is.
No, she never loved John, she was obsessed. She found him attractive. She’s such a terrible person, such a hypocrite.
Of course he would keep his distance from her. She wanted him to love all of her, felt so safe thinking he loved her drac, but this never was about her. It wasn’t even about John. Their entire relationship, it is about what Gregory wanted.
It finally dawns on her. Gregory doesn’t care. He said it often enough. She was attracted to John before she started to bite him. Gregory made her bite John. Gregory made her fuck John. It’s what he wanted. It’s why he always had his hands so close to John. It’s why Gregory always pushed for more sex.
Her husband made her a whore. He used her. She was right. She also was right when she asked him if she got it wrong with Eluned. But it’s too late, so much too late.
The only way she can be good for him is working. She said her vows. Her papa gave her into Gregory’s care. She always was an obedient daughter, she knows she has to be an obedient wife now.
If she is only good for one thing, then she should do her best at that. She knows that John has been fighting off Gregory’s approaches. And she knows that John isn’t really who she’s heard Gregory fawn over the most.
She’s not understood it until now, but she’s seen the way Gregory looks at Llew, she’s smelled that he gets excited around him. She’ll be a good wife and get him who he really wants. She’ll help him seduce Llew, she knows that Llew is weird around her, she thinks he actually likes her. She can at least be good the one way she can as herself.
And she tells Gregory as much when he comes strolling into the maze later. His astonishment turns into a wide grin quickly, and his declaration that she is amazing confirms for her that she finally knows what her husband really wants from her. She’ll be good for him. She can’t do anything else. She’s just a woman.
She can’t be a man for Gregory.
She can’t be human for John.
She doesn’t have anybody who loves her drac after all.
~~~~
Darcy feels herself moving like on strings. Her drac has to nudge every step out of her, foot in front of foot, brushing her hair, putting on the official wedding dress, taking up position in the church.
No John at the front this time, no sense of calm at that. Only Papa giving her away, again. His hand feels as cold in hers as her heart feels. This is all a show, like a shadow play in a story, nothing but smoke and lies. Her twisted fairy tale, her gothic fairy tale, and she’s not the monster anymore, she’s the cursed princess. As helpless as all the other women before her.
She’s proper, she’s perfect. Or at least her mask is. The mask she feels settle on her face, burning into her skin just as much as the fey shackle on her wrist did. Signing this contract is just like signing the one with Eluned.
But she’ll be good. It’s the only thing she has left. That feels so very terribly obvious when her papa has to leave so shortly after they relocate from the Whitby chapel to the reception. Even her papa can’t stay. And why would he? He gave her away. That’s how the story goes, she’s married now. Married in front of all these witnesses. She has a role to play and she has to look to her husband now.
Darcy makes the rounds through the small reception, the guest list as short as they could keep it. She accepts the polite congratulations and makes excuses for why Gregory is making a fool of himself at the bar. The emotions around him seem to be running hot, too, so she has to intervene there. Make more excuses and just accept that the gossip about her will be terrible no matter what when she makes one more excuse to leave early with a more than tipsy Gregory.
As she helps him into the carriage, rather than being helped by him, she catches sight of John, the one glimpse of him she has had at the entire thing, and her heart breaks once more. He’s still there, he must have been there the entire time, working in the back to keep the logistics running. He doesn’t like her drac, she slammed him into a wall, and he’s still there, still helping her. Is there no end to how she can be bad for him?
She so hopes he’ll be happy when he just finally moves on fully and marries whoever he wants to marry. A good human woman, not a barren whore like her.
~~~~
Finally, finally the official wedding has come and gone! Arthur thinks. It felt like he was counting the minutes, hiding in the background and hoping nothing would go wrong. Nothing did- he thinks. It was uncomfortable, with all these people there they barely know, but probably should- other local nobles and the important people in Whitby, like the mayor and such.
He doesn’t think Darcy enjoyed it very much. And why would she, when it was basically the opposite of her private wedding in every way? All stiff and formal and in the church and full of strangers. But at least it’s over now, and all the papers are signed.
Of course, he’s heard some mutterings about how the young lady has never been to a local church service before, and speculation about whether she maybe attends her former service in London instead, and that means it didn’t get around that Darcy’s baptism paperwork was signed in Newgate. It doesn’t actually say Newgate on it, but Arthur knows that address, but he guesses other people don’t. Hopefully.
And Gregory was maybe drinking a bit much, maybe he was more nervous than he appeared, too.
But it’s over, and done with, and they can move on, and hopefully, everything and everyone will calm down now, that awful tense atmosphere in the castle will clear up again.
~~~~
At least there is one single thing Darcy can do right today. And it will be good for two people. Gregory is easy to placate, she leaves him with honey cakes and more alcohol in the castle kitchen and instead goes down to the nexus.
The door doesn’t open for her, but Llew doesn’t let her wait, she’s learned he seldom does when she’s roiling with emotions. Maybe that’s something fey like, she’s not sure. But she knows that fey like bargaining and she does just that. Arthur wants a horse and he was worried about how impractical it might be, so she needs to get him something better, more magical, but very real, not as placid as the horses in their stables.
When she asks Llew for a unicorn he snorts at her. Then he notices that she’s serious, and Darcy shivers at the way he’s looking at her, asks her what’s in it for him?
She was prepared for that, she made sure she’s hungry so she’s not flustered, and yes, he seems to like it when she flirts, when she tries to flatter him, although it’s so very hard for her to tell him anything nice, so instead, she just tells him the truth. Just the few things she does appreciate about him. It’s more facts to her than sweet words, but he’s downright purring and leans over her, hand against the wall and predatory grin fixed on her.
She keeps going. She’s no good with words, so she offers him more of that if he just makes it happen, get Arthur a steed of his own, a horse for him that he can befriend, who will be by his side and give him the feeling of being more than a loan from the castle.
~~~~
That woman is going to be the death of him! Well, not really, but Llew thinks it’s a funny human expression, and only funnier because she’s half an icky undead bloodsucker herself. Half a bloodsucker with those fangs of theirs and that naughty, naughty bite. Emotions, right into you. Ooh, who wouldn’t secretly want that? It’s not a fetish, the other fey are just stuck up!
And here is his own personal little imprisoned bloodsucker, turning his head with stating her honest emotions and making a genuine request. Oh, he wishes he had the potency to get a contract on her! Yes, chain her right to him, all those emotions his, he wants it… but she’s his sister’s.
Well, what his sister doesn’t know and what nobody can prove because there’s no actual contract…
So yes, he’ll give her what she wants, seemingly at no cost, and then she’ll keep asking him for things and he’ll get a little bit more out of her every time. She’ll be his, her little drac will be his, all those emotions, yes, he’ll make her his property yet.
~~~~
First step to owning her accomplished nicely! It’s not a unicorn, where would he even get one of those? And they are people, not something for a human to just ride around, but it is a nightmare. The runt of the litter, so nobody’s going to miss it, definitely unsuited for actual service or for being presented to their overlords as a gift. So really, even once they notice that he took it, it’ll just be a bit of paperwork, easily enough shoved on to somebody else. He’s a prince, after all!
And he rather feels like his princely duty of conquest is going well when he can see every fibre in Darcy’s body recoil, can see her drac growl at him, when despite that, yes, she takes his hand. A deal’s a deal, and now he gets to hold her hand with her squirming while they walk the nightmare out of the stables.
~~~~
Arthur’s not sure what he’s expecting- he’s never had a birthday party before, after all! He feels giddy, and kind of nervous, especially… well, they’re starting at the paddocks, and Darcy did say she was going to get him a horse, but… but she’s really giving him a horse? He squashes his imagination before it can run away too much on what kind of horse it could be- a black one would be really cool, but you’re not supposed to judge horses by their colour, after all, he’s read that. And a horse of any colour would be amazing!
Then Darcy and Llew (why Llew?) come out of the stables with a horse following them, and it’s not what he’s expected. It’s way cooler.
It is black, but there’s streaks of red in its mane and tail, he’s never seen something like that before. And it looks strong. Not working-horse strong, but more solid than the horses he’s seen nobles riding- he likes it! And he likes the ways it is looking around itself, head and ears turning. Not nervously, more curious and smart than he thinks a normal horse would, which probably explains Llew’s presence.
It jumps sideways, and Arthur doesn’t want to call it ‘shying’, because its head darts down, quick as a snake, and it snaps its teeth at something, bares them- and they’re big, pointed fangs and jagged edges, not at all like horse teeth.
The something turns out to be Gregory, in his cat form, who Arthur hadn’t even noticed following after Llew and Darcy. Of course, Gregory sits down on his haunches and raises a paw like he wants to pet the horse’s (?) muzzle.
The threatening, fang-bristling muzzle that’s big enough to bite his cat head clean off- or, well, could, if he wasn’t all invulnerable. Either way, the horse jerks its head back, teeth still bared, and lifts a back hoof in threat. At first, Arthur thinks his eyes are playing tricks on him, but no, there’s a shimmer in the air around that hoof, like heat, and then flames flicker into existence around it.
Probably, Arthur should be scared about all this, but all he can think is: A magical horse. Darcy is getting him a magical horse! That is so cool!
~~~~
Llew sees the little rage flicker off Darcy racing towards Gregory. He’s been seeing them more often lately, maybe Gregory isn’t as much of a bad excuse at what his entire kind is known for. Not that Llew’s going to say anything on the topic. London is within his own jurisdiction and he totally overlooked that unauthorised veil rip, if he says something now, it’s going to be more paperwork than he can shove off on anybody, nope.
So instead, he’ll just enjoy the emotional show for as long as it’s safe and then he can get the credit for taking care of the problem when it actually becomes one.
~~~~
“Gregory! Could you please not ruin this?” Darcy hears the snarl in her own voice, feels her sudden claws digging into Llew’s hand, and that might be the best part of having to hold his hand. Oh how she hates this, and hates him, and for just a moment, hates Gregory for being the reason for what she has to do with Llew. But then it’s as if the anger is sucked out of her and she feels just helpless with the situation. She asks again, more a begging whimper, to please get out of the way and not spook the gift.
~~~~
Arthur feels a quick bristle inside his chest of… anger? himself- he doesn’t want the best gift he ever got on the first birthday celebration he ever really got to be spoiled, either! But… but Gregory wouldn’t, surely, and he doesn’t, he drops his paw and turns all his attention to Darcy, and the horse gives him another sceptical look, but then the fire on its hoof goes out and it puts it down, instead starts walking again and looking around and sniffing the air.
~~~~
Turning away from Gregory and starting to walk again, Darcy can find a smile on her face for Arthur as she stops next to him and holds the reins up to him. “Happy birthday, Arthur-dear! It’s not the unicorn I asked Llew for, but he tells me these here are the steeds of a proud warrior race. And now this one here is yours. Your very own nightmare, like in the stories. Give him a name!”
~~~~
Arthur takes the reins reverently, looks up at the horse- or nightmare, offers him his hand to sniff. Like you’re supposed to with a horse, except this isn’t one… “Um, hello,” he offers. “Nice to meet you, please don’t bite me?”
The nightmare dips his head to sniff his offered palm, then sticks his nose in Arthur’s face, breath blowing against his cheeks, and then drops it to sniff his chest, too, nudges him a little.
Arthur doesn’t know how much he understood, but he didn’t bite him, so he raises a hand to scratch at the crest of his mane. The fur feels like that of a normal horse, sleek under his fingers, the mane coarser. His breath doesn’t smell sweet like that of regular horses, though, there’s a tang of sulphur to it.
But the nightmare clearly approves of the scratching, going by the way his ears tilt sideways and he leans more of the weight of his head against Arthur’s chest- and a horse’s head is really very heavy, Arthur has to brace himself against it so he doesn’t get shoved over. But he still finds himself smiling- he thinks his new nightmare likes him! He beams over at Darcy, then considers the question of a name.
His new horse is big and strong and cool and, he thinks, even on short acquaintance, opinionated. So he should have a cool name. “…How about Hannibal?” After all, anyone who goes over a mountain range with elephants clearly is opinionated, too. And pretty cool.
~~~~
“That’s a lovely name!” Darcy proclaims and would have clapped her hands in approval if Llew would let go of hers, but he refuses, with a smirk at the side glance she gives him for that. Despite that, she can’t help a begrudging smile at him when he produces a little box out of his pocket and hands it to Arthur, explaining that those are nightmare treats. How about Arthur takes Hannibal around the paddock and then rewards him for that? Who doesn’t like rewards for doing something one was being asked for?
Darcy doesn’t even need to feel the way his hand tightens on hers at those words to know full well that he’s nudging her, and she hates it but she said she’ll be an obedient wife, and at least Llew is easy so she chirps and gives him a hug.
~~~~
Arthur gives Darcy and Llew a puzzled look, and then Llew an unsure smile of thanks- he didn’t think Darcy liked Llew much, but maybe she changed her mind?
So he takes the treats, puts them into his pocket, and climbs onto the top of the fence. “D’you mind…?” he asks Hannibal, who apparently doesn’t, because he lets Arthur manoeuvre him along the fence so he can let down the stirrups from where they’re crossed over the saddle and then put one foot into the near one and swing over. Then he has to fish around with his other foot for the other one, needs to use one hand to turn the leather strap. He mutters his apologies to Hannibal, and promises him he’ll practise so he’ll be better at riding quickly.
Hannibal holds still enough, though Arthur can hear his tail swish around like he’s telling him to get a move on. And once Arthur has his feet sorted and sits up, he immediately trots off along the fence, which makes Arthur yelp and grab on to the saddle. He thinks the huff and ear tilt in his direction is amused.
He doesn’t have a whole lot of control over that first ride- mostly he holds on to the front of the saddle and does his best not to bounce around too awkwardly, while Hannibal has a brisk exploration of the paddock, stops here and there to snuffle into a corner or a bushel of grass. He also gives all the fey horses a once over, which they accept with their usual disinterested stoicism, barely return-sniffing him before they go back to grazing. Investigation completed, Hannibal returns him to where they started, stops smartly and turns his head to give Arthur an expectant look.
Arthur chuckles- his stomach still feels all fluttery from the ride, being so high up and having something big move under him and not exactly being sure what’s going to happen next. But it was also fun, so he scratches Hannibal’s mane in front of him, and then climbs down- staggers a bit, because it took longer for his feet to hit the ground than he expected, and his legs feel kind of wobbly, now that they have to bear up his weight again. He thanks Hannibal, and takes off the tack like he’s read about- hopes he remembers all the right buckles to undo, but he manages to get everything off, at least- and gives him a few of the treats from Llew’s box.
Those treats are definitely not plant-based, he’s pretty sure that’s dried meat. With an interesting, spicy scent. He’ll have to find out about proper nightmare diet, of course. But for now, he smiles at having a horse- or horse-like being- pick treats out of his palm with velvety lips, and minding his fingers. He pets Hannibal a little more, then looks around for the others. He thinks it’s time for the rest of his birthday party, but he could also happily spend another ten minutes or half an hour or however long with his new nightmare.
~~~~
Darcy couldn’t be happier at Arthur so obviously looking over. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could flirt at Llew without wanting to take a bath. Pushing him off herself where he again was leaning over her, hand on the fence so she was forced to press her back against it or touch him, Darcy rushes over to Arthur and tells him that once Hannibal is in his stall they can go inside. Her and Papa… and John (it comes out with a whimper) have something set up for him!