Chapter 15
Previously: The Rose of Whitby – Chapter 14
Energy completely spent, Darcy retires back to her room, she is so done with all this silly world out there! Pretty is again relaxing in her arms, but she notices that he keeps glancing in the direction of Arthur’s room, finally asks and upon hearing that Arthur isn’t feeling so well, tells him to see to his friend right this instant.
Which, yes, she wants him to do, but also, now she remembers again that he isn’t actually her cat and it stings, she wants him out of her sight. At the same time, she is surprised to notice a bit of worry for Arthur. Having seen repeatedly how the boys are about sweets, she inquires in the kitchen and, after having given them proper time to compose themselves again, Darcy knocks on the door to Arthur’s room. Yes, she knows this is uncouth, but what else is she supposed to do?
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Arthur… isn’t sure what to do with himself. It’s late, yes, and he should be going to sleep, but all the events of the afternoon and evening keep flashing and fluttering around in his head- the orange of firelight and the shape of the monster in the moonlight and the dead body of the young farmer, and how his arms looked on that monster- like his mind is a picture book full of darkness and stark shadows and grotesque shapes someone is flipping through at random.
And his father… He knew his father was going to be looking for him, but now he really knows, and that’s somehow even worse. The vague dread at the back of his neck sharpened into prickling claws of certainty.
And then there’s Gregory, who arrives at his room after a little while, with big, soulful eyes and a hopeful smile, and… and what is Arthur supposed to do with him?!
He desperately wants someone to hold him, to hold on to someone.
But… there isn’t anyone.
Except Gregory.
Who may or may not be Gregory.
He stopped today, didn’t he? When Arthur put himself in the way and said to stop, he did. Doesn’t that maybe mean he’s really Gregory? If he was a demon, he… what? Could’ve killed Arthur?
He could have killed Arthur at any point in the last few weeks. If that’s what he wanted.
The truth is that Arthur doesn’t know much about demons, or what they want. He knows they’re dangerous, a bad idea to get involved with if you don’t know what you’re doing.
He knows they’re powerful, and he knows they don’t belong here.
And that’s about it. What their agenda is, their desires, what motivates them, what they do in this world- he has no real idea.
Certainly, he’s aware of their reputation from religion, but that boils down to “bad and want to make you be bad”, which… isn’t very helpful at all, in terms of details of how and why.
He knows that the soul exists- he felt it, there in the ritual.
Does that mean hell exists, too? Has he condemned his best friend’s soul to that- already or in the future? To some horrible place, forever?
He doesn’t know. He won’t ever know- how could he?
And Gregory, when he said as much, that one time, just assured him that it was alright.
Just as he assured him that he was himself.
Here, now, Gregory scoots up to him, and wraps an arm around him, and asks him if he’s okay.
And of course he’s not okay.
The doubts, the uncertainty, it’s exhausting.
He’s tired, and he’s upset.
And the cold loneliness of the world, of his life without Gregory, presses in on him. It makes him feel just how small and scared and weak he is.
He leans into the hug, hides his face against Gregory’s shoulder, and tries to make himself believe that it’s really alright- that there’s still one person in the world that knows he exists, that cares whether he lives or dies, that is on his side.
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Gregory is still there and Arthur is obviously trying to hide that he’s been crying when Darcy arrives. Conversation is halting and awkward at first, and Darcy would be okay with silence, she remembers sitting in the library with Arthur in silence and that was nice, but Gregory keeps chattering away. Finally finding a topic that Darcy can talk about with Arthur she tells him about how it feels to change into a wolf and even finds a chuckle in her about it being really weird to bite. Reassuring her that that’s perfectly normal behaviour for a wolf she counters, pointing at her fangs (which she finally is starting to have some control over) that suddenly he doesn’t find it so natural.
He counters weirdly calm that it’s simply not his turn. With growing terror Darcy learns that the boys have decided on a feeding schedule for her. It feels like… like… a blush suddenly on her cheeks, she storms off after telling them that she won’t have it that they decide on a schedule who gets her first kiss!
Gregory rushes after her but is being told to get back to his friend! She doesn’t want to talk this out, she doesn’t want to give away a kiss just to anybody because she’s hungry, she wants it to be somebody who means a lot to her. A girl’s first kiss is special, it’s a promise, she doesn’t want to throw away a promise! He is about to argue back but gets sent away, back to Arthur’s room only to find he can’t comfort him more, he has fallen asleep.
Getting back to Darcy he gets rebuffed a few more times before she admits, that yes, she agrees with Arthur, it would probably be good to learn more about her wolf form. That has nothing to do with her wanting desperately to change the topic. Of course it does! And of course she starts feeling better under the moonlight, away from people, if just Gregory wasn’t tagging along. Looking like her cat isn’t a plus… at least not until she begins to feel free. Her nose in the wind she howls and starts running, the stones digging into her paws, the leaves brushing over her fur, this is life. Life is good as a wolf. A scent catches her attention, bunny. Bunny is good, bunny is food. She follows the trail, finds the warren, starts digging.
A tap on her side surprises her. Cat? Cat also good, cat is food. Snapping and catching the stupid thing’s neck she starts shaking, it’s what you do. Why won’t it stop struggling? Then she yipps as suddenly the cat is large, very large, and has arms to hold her with. Trap her with. She fights. Freedom! Arms are human, humans are bad, humans are scary!
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Gregory has no idea what’s going on. One moment she was learning about her new form, the next she really started behaving like a wolf, he’s pretty sure she tried breaking his neck there but he keeps talking to her through all the fighting she does, can just about hold on to her. It takes forever he feels, but finally she blinks at him, there’s recognition in her eyes, and she stops fighting. As he lets her down she turns human, mumbles something about her papa being right about her being dangerous to others and silently walks back to the castle.
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Darcy heads back to her baroness’ room, it’s not her room, but it’s a room she can hide in.
Or at least she could if Gregory didn’t insist on trying to talk to her. Why does he always have to cling to her now? And what is wrong with her? She feels… weird? There’s something to his smell, yes, his smell, since she turned into a wolf the world seems to be all smells, she loves that but… why does she notice his smell now? Why does it make her feel all tingly?
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After all his words bouncing off her, she doesn’t even seem to listen he finally wonders if it’s the human form and turns demon, maybe her kitty will calm her down? Instead, she seems even worse than before, body markedly tensing.
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What is this smell?! It’s so much more… potent when he’s like this. She likes it when he’s like this. He’s so much less human, that’s good, that’s very good. And he smells… nice. Yes, nice is the word, or maybe good, she wants to smell him more. That makes her blush because that was a very lewd thought, wasn’t it? She’s at the point of fidgeting because that feeling is only getting worse, makes her be all hot and agitated inside and she has no idea what’s going on, is this another dhampir thing?
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At her clearly only squirming more Gregory turns back to his human form only for his empathy to pick up on what’s actually happening. Is she…? He starts grinning- he knows what that is she’s feeling. And after all, he’s now courting this amazing woman- they’re in love!
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She apologises, she doesn’t know what’s going on and she feels strange, could he really just leave her alone?
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Gregory tells her it’s perfectly fine, he knows what’s going on and then proceeds to explain it to her, just as he did to Artie to make sure he didn’t accidentally knock up a girl because he didn’t know what he was doing.
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Scandalised and not knowing what on earth brought this on and what any of this is meant to mean Darcy only grows redder and redder in the face. Why must he do that to her?! And why does none of what he says sound like the truth? She’s a girl, she knows she’s a girl, so why is he telling her really questionable details about what her body supposedly is like. None of that is true, he’s having her on! Of course he is! She tells him as much but he insists he’s not. Beet red herself but also furious she snaps that she knows he is because what he says isn’t true!
Looking surprised he wonders about that, maybe something is wrong with her, he could turn Pretty again and take a look to make sure she’s alright. That’s too much, she faints in shock.
She should have fainted for longer, he’s still on about it when she comes to! The scoundrel, the ruffian! She should… she should… what should she? Because now she is getting worried, he did seem genuinely surprised. What if there is something wrong with her? She does remember some invasive examinations Uncle Jekyll did after her papa asked for a second opinion. Maybe… maybe there is something wrong? But she sure as heck is not going to strip in front of Gregory! The very thought makes her want to faint again.
He’s had a brilliant idea while she was still fretting though, he can look when she’s a wolf! Tada! Just a cat and a wolf. Part of her wants to slap him but… maybe? What if she really is wrong, he would know, men know these things, right? And he decided he is going to court her, that means he is the protagonist in this story, isn’t he? Why did she have to live in a story where the hero is one of those men who needs to overcome his weaknesses? But, that’s her duty as a woman, isn’t it? To improve the men life puts into her path. And there is nobody else here. He’s the only one who has shown interest in her.
Can she hope and hold out that Arthur just needs time? That’s not how those stories work though, is it? If it’s the youngest of the brothers he’s always not only the smartest, he’s also the most cunning. Arthur is shy. She likes that about him. But no, loud, always up for a fight, Gregory is probably the protagonist and she hates it but she’s read enough stories to know how it goes. She knows she cannot fight destiny, she knows she’ll fret for another few chapters but something is going to happen to show her that her terrible man actually has some redeeming feature and somehow all is going to be all well then, there will be a happily ever after. Or at least that’s what she hopes as she keeps listening to him making one questionable argument after the other, well, really, it’s the same one over and over in ways he thinks makes it new ones, until she finally relents and turns wolf, presses her eyes shut and surrenders to her fate as the heroine.