Chapter 25
Previously: Obsidian: Ash and Moonbeams – Chapter 24
It’s disorienting to move in such absolute darkness, and Caliban keeps his free hand up in front of his head in case of low hanging rocks from the ceiling, but he doesn’t run into anything, and the feeling and the scent of the air…
He groans. “Tell me that’s a fucking hot pool, puppy, and I’m about to get a real bath.”
Even as he says it, he crouches down next to her and reaches out a hand to feel, yes, a smooth lip of stone, and then warm wetness against his fingers.
Hot, even, but not boiling, not biting, not acidic. He touches his tongue to his wet finger, and while it tastes and smells of minerals, there’s a delightful lack of sulphur, and no feeling of a burn.
“Fuck, yes,” he says, fervently, and sets down their spoils after making sure the spot is dry, and gets to undressing.
~
He sounds so happy and that makes Darcy happy, so she starts bouncing a circle around him.
She was good, oh, woah, slippery!
Blast! Too close.
No, she doesn’t want to fall in!
But she did.
For a moment, she panics. She hates sinking. She doesn’t know how deep this is!
Her and her drac start scrambling frantically. She has to swim even though she knows she can’t!
Sharp pain explodes into her paw, she hit the bottom and scraped herself hard. It’s the best feeling ever. There’s the bottom. It’s not that deep. She’s good. It’s fine. She won’t drift forever.
Problem is… she scrambled and wiggled so hard, she has no idea which way the wall is. With the water in her nose, she can’t smell a thing, either. The world is just gone. Turning human-shaped doesn’t help, her head is still under water. Stretching her arms up, only just about her fingers reach air.
Maybe Caliban can find her if she wiggles them and makes noise that way?
~
He hears the clicking of Darcy’s claws, and then a scramble, and a splash, and is on his knees in a moment, because… fuck, he can’t see a thing, and what if this is actually dangerous to her…?
“Puppy?!” he calls, nonsensically. She’s under water, she won’t hear him, will she? The way the sound echoes back to him tells him the cave is both roomy and complicated, and it occurs to him that without her to guide him back out, he might have a problem… Which isn’t going to be a problem, because surely, she’s not going to drown in a fucking little pool.
He reaches out his arm to skim his fingers across the water’s surface, trying to get a sense of the size of it, and then there’s a splashing of water to the left and he moves his hand over, feels small fingers close around his.
He braces back on his knees, holds on tight, and pulls.
~
Of course he found her! She needn’t have worried at all. Her Calidear is there for her to keep her safe. She’ll tell him in a moment, after she’s done coughing up the water she inhaled.
“You are the best! I knew you’d protect me! Sorry… I slipped in and I can’t swim.”
She’s feeling really silly for that now, but she was just so happy to have found him a pool he clearly likes. “It’s a really nice temperature, though, and should be just the right height for you!”
Yes, that’s much more important than her being so enthusiastic that she managed to fall in and sink to the bottom. At least she wasn’t wearing anything anyway, so no clothes that need wringing out.
Actually, his clothes! And he got fat from the animal. She just needs to find some ash, there’s lots of it, even just a bit further up in the cave. She can wash his clothes and his hair properly.
Oh, now she’s back to chirping. But she’ll not run off to do that before he’s all nice and comfy in the water.
~
“Fuck, that startled me,” he admits, against all previous instinct, slings an arm around her to hold her tight for a moment. Damn, his heart is pounding. “What do you mean, you can’t swim? Are you alright?”
That coughing sounded unpleasant, and her voice is still a bit hoarse from it.
~
Is that his heart? She puts her ear against his chest. Yes, that’s his heart going all tango on her.
He’s upset. She fell in a pool and he got really upset and he’s hugging her tight and no posturing at all. Hugging her so tight because… because she startled him? As in, he’s glad she’s okay and would not want her to be gone?
She could giggle, screw it, she starts giggling, because her drac is smashing its head against the wall of her empty heart. Smashing its head against it so hard because it wants at him now. Love it better! Because yes, if he needs her like this then she could love it better.
She’s never been happier to feel it, that sense of starting to watch a spider weave a net. She knows where it’s going, she knows that the spider is going round and round because it will be a heart shape soon enough.
So she leans up to kiss him. Kiss him softly, kiss him lovingly, put a fang in his lip to show him that crush she can’t wait to bloom into a big strong spiderweb of love.
“I can’t die from drowning but dhampirs can’t swim. We drop like stones. Sorry to worry you. Just some water in my lungs. It’ll be better soon.”
~
There’s a new sort of warmth and… joy to the feelings she shares with him, and he’s not sure what brought that on. A sort of… anticipation? But more importantly: “Okay, no more falling into pools for you, okay? In this place, who knows when one ends in some lava or something, I’m pretty sure lava would be detrimental even to your constitution. Try and stick yourself to a side wall or something.”
~
She’s giggling again, because now he’s just being grumpy at her because he cares, she knows that from John, too.
“Yes, Calidear.”
It comes out with that teasing trill Quincy always does when they both put on the wife voice to get John to roll his eyes at them. Which luckily, makes her laugh, not weep. It’s okay. Her drac knows which way, not fully yet, no safe bridge, but there’s a light at the other side of the abyss, at least they can run at that.
“I promise to be extra careful when I run back to the front and get some ash. We have fat, I’ll make soap and then I’ll give you a nice bath. Wash your hair and beard for you. You said you like grooming!”
She wants to bustle all over him. Her drac is so eager. So very eager. Still, she makes sure to stick herself to him before she starts wiggling, otherwise she just might end up falling in again.
~
Okay, she’s fine, and he’s about to have his first bath since his last one got rudely interrupted.
“Alright, yes, I like it, yes, I want a bath, and if you can manage some soap, all the better. I mean, not usually the kind I’d use for my hair, but I’ll take it. Don’t use all the fat, though, alright?” He makes sure to put his grin in his voice. “I have plans for some of that.”
~
“I thought the expression is buttering me up, not greasing me up.”
Okay, now she just feels silly but she’s so giddy, so very, very giddy with the feeling of the spider’s little feetsies in her heart making that web that will bring her drac’s paws back down. “Promise, not using it all. Be right back, as soon as I can!” Kissing him again, she gets out of his grip and, just because she feels giddy, starts running, yells over her shoulder “Love you!” then dashes off so she can be back at his side and show him all that growing love.
~
Caliban would watch her go, but he can’t see anything, so there’s no point. So instead, he finishes undressing and then slides himself into the blissful sensation of hot water, and it’s only after he’s found the bottom of the pool under his feet and let himself sink in to his shoulders with a sigh that her last words register.
‘Love you’? He frowns. She’s not the type to use a figure of speech, or say it lightly. Why would she…?
She’s been so adamant about wanting to love people (him included,) but… Well, that’s a bit sudden.
Isn’t it?
Fine, he’s just going to ask her about it once she’s back.
~
Silly her. She forgot that she doesn’t have any pockets! So now she’s walking back with two handfuls of ash. She hopes that’s enough for anything, but it’s what she could carry.
And it will mean that she can’t use up that much fat either, she has a pretty good idea what he wants it for, so she’s the very last person to use it all up for anything else. She wants her lube! She wants her man! More than ever! She’s been giggling to herself the whole way out and back, watching the little spider go, imagining a nice heart-shaped net while remembering and telling her drac, out loud, all the wonderful things about Caliban.
She’s sure he’ll keep being like that and then that spider is going to be mighty industrious and make a net his size. She can’t wait to love him that much.
“Calidear, I’m back! Do you like your bath so far?”
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“Mmm,” he hums. “It’s so good. Feels like I’m shedding half my body weight in sweat and dirt.” He tilts his head in her direction, trying to gather what she’s doing by the sounds of her moving around.
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“Leave a bit for me to get off you with the soap. If I can make it. I only have a bit of ash, but I want to try.” Putting her little mound of ash down safely away from the water, she can’t help herself, she just has to walk over to where she can sense him and give him another kiss. Oh fine, and another fangful of her crush, it’s too fun not to share. “Do you think I just mix it together? I hope that’s all it takes, I’ve never made soap before.”
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“I’ve cleaned greasy pans on hunting trips by throwing some ash and water in there,” he offers, distracted by the kiss. “I think that’s the same principle.”
There’s those emotions again. Those are new, aren’t they?
“Hey, puppy?”
~
That sounds as if her plan is going to work. Great! She’ll get right to it. The sooner she has the soap, the sooner she can stick her fingers in his hair and pamper him. She wants to. She does it with Quincy. She’s sure the spider will speed right up then. But also, he sounded as if he has a question.
“Yes, dearest dog fishie of mine?”
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Oh, he’s ‘dearest’ now, is he?
“What’d you mean when you said ‘love you’ before you left? Also, your emotions feel different, is there something going on?”
~
And there she thought she was, for once, clear. Ugh, words are silly! That’s why she showed him! Alright, maybe if she says it slower? Or with more words around it.
“I meant that I have a crush on you. My drac is all throwing itself at the emptiness, trying to get at you. Of course it does, you were worried for me when I fell in. You showed me that I can be good for you, that you want me to be good for you, that you… well, that you, at least a little bit, need me.”
She’s chirping her answer at him even while she tries what happens when she gets some of the fat together with the ash. Kind of like baking actually.
~
“Huh,” he says, because… “That sudden? Just because I was worried for you?”
He’s not sure what he thinks, or feels, about that. Kind of smug, but also… maybe worried? Okay, okay, she’s demonstrated her puppiness often enough, and her sturdiness, but still. She could get hurt, falling that quickly for people just because they get a bit worried when she trips into a pool.
~
“Don’t be silly, of course not just because of that.”
She reaches out a foot to nudge at him a bit. “Because you are sweet, and care and protect me and always talk to me in ways that make sense because we’re monsters running together. But also, yes, because your heart was beating all fast and you grabbed me so tight when you smelled all scared about me being alright. You care. I can tell and I want to be extra good for you because of it!”
Is this soap supposed to get hard? She doesn’t know, she’s just kneading this together, it kind of smells weird, not soapy, that’s for sure.
~
Oh. “…I do care, don’t I? Wow, that’s weird. I don’t usually,” he muses.
Does he mind that he cares? No, which is possibly even stranger. But… He relaxes a little further into the water with a pleased sigh. He’s not in Asgard, she’s not Aesir, or fae, there’s no agenda or manipulation or anything there. She’s just his puppy.
~
“Yeah, I get that. I don’t usually care, either, but I care lots for my swarm.”
Looking up, although, really, he can’t see her, well, unless she burns blood and she shouldn’t, so instead, she pets him with her toes again.
“And I want you in my swarm so bad! I can’t wait for the spider in my heart to be done making a web out of our shared moments that’s heart-shaped. I want to love you all the way!”
She feels terrible about it, but at least it shows her that no, manly men are absolutely not a problem for her to love, and she wants him to know.
“Thank you for not posturing. Thank you for letting me see that yes, there are things you are scared of and that I can love better. And thank you for allowing me to see that, yes, I totally must be able to love John, I just need to see the things about him he didn’t show me out of fear that I wouldn’t love them better.”
~
“Maybe the jotunn are on to something with the swarm business. I never thought much about it, but you make it sound appealing.” He gives a chuckle, grins in her direction even though she can’t see it. “So is that a symbolic or an anatomically-correct heart?”
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That question makes her giggle, because he’s a monster, he’ll understand her when everybody but Papa thought she was morbid.
“Both. Because you know, the reason we draw hearts in the totally not anatomically-correct way is because that’s how it would look like when you stitch two together. Papa showed me! It was the best, really romantic, I thought. But really difficult to stitch, Papa is so good at it, mine didn’t look anything like it, just kind of squishy. But still, it was such a nice playdate with Papa.”
The memories make her chirp, Papa always found the very best ways of teaching her! Now she just wishes he had taught her more about soap. Well, he did, but about finished soap. Maybe it needs more heat? She shoves the glob of ashy fat closer to the hot pool. Maybe she needs to melt it and her ever-cool dhampir hands aren’t warm enough for that.
~
Caliban turns in the pool to prop his arms up on the edge so he can speak towards her, at least. “Is that a usual sort of parent-child activity on Midgard? I wouldn’t know, I have pretty much no references for what parents and children do with each other, but it seems a bit out of character from what I remember of Midgardian literature…”
He tries to imagine the idea of a “play date” with Tyr, and… No. Just no. He’s fine with their father-son relationship ending at the acknowledgement that it exists.
Of course, Aesir don’t have children, aside from his own freak-of-nature self, so it’s not like they would have a reason to establish any norms around raising them.
Unlike Midgardians.
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Oh, well, it’s not judgement, still, she thought he’d like that and he just seems… surprised? But he didn’t ask harshly, so she sighs and shrugs.
“Quincy got really weirded out and John said he suddenly can see the family resemblance after all. To me, well, I only ever had Papa, so it was normal. Oh, do you think that maybe that made it harder for me to notice with John? Papa, well, he’s the very model of the perfect man, obviously, and he’s always proper, unless it was with me and he taught me something. He never minded that I liked to draw tiaras and lipstick on him when we were playing princess tea party.”
She thinks that nothing in the world would get John to let her put lipstick on him. He has made comments about Quincy being obvious for wearing makeup. He, and Quincy, too, have called it girl time when they play dress-up and makeup. But Papa never minded. And she thought, well, if Papa doesn’t mind that means men don’t normally mind, right?
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“I’m pretty sure Midgardian men aren’t supposed to play princess tea party, so yeah, if your model for the ideal man did that, I can see why that might make it difficult for you to judge your John’s behaviour.”
Yeah, Caliban’s quite sure on that point. Her papa doesn’t sound like the standard ‘proper man’ as depicted in the Midgardian literature and culture he’s consumed and experienced.
“Now I’m curious to meet this papa of yours. Also, does that mean you want to put makeup on all your men?”
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“What? No? I’m not six anymore. Also, Quincy and Radu are much better with makeup than I’ll ever be.” Then she realises something else he said, and she knows she’s blushing with her giggles and squeals. “You want to meet my Papa? Are you going to ask for my hand? Are you going to ask all proper?”
That thought is so silly but also so nice, because then she would have somebody who isn’t Gregory ask like that and she could tell her Papa that this time, she isn’t blood-chained, this time she really has a crush. And… this time, she feels safe.
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He hadn’t been planning on any such thing, but… “Would you like me to?”
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Now she definitely has to get over to him because he always is so sweet. But she’s cautious not to fall back into the water when she reaches him and wraps her arms around his neck, because yes, she’s sniffling.
“The only one who ever did that was the demon. He stole my dreams about what marriage would be! He stole the magic. If… if I had memories to replace that with, it would be so nice.”
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“If you want me to do that in a specific Midgardian way, you’ll have to teach me how, or point me at a book,” he tells her, wraps an arm around her in turn. “But sure, can do. In front of you, so you can actually remember it, I take it.”
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How does he never notice how sweet he is?! She presses her face tight against his and doesn’t mind that she’s crying again, because her drac is at the point of just scratching and scratching and scratching at the emptiness, Caliban is so bright, it can tell exactly where he is. But she needs to be sure.
“Calidear, does that mean you want to marry me?”
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He can’t help it, he huffs a laugh at himself.
“Right, that’s kind of implying that, isn’t it? Hm.” He thinks about it for a moment. “I’ve never considered marrying anyone before. But also, you’re very insistent on wanting me to be in your swarm, and wanting to love me,” the words feel odd in his mouth- no one’s ever wanted that before, “and that’s the same as being married. Isn’t it?”
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“It would be more.”
There is a happy hum to her own words even while she runs her hands over his chest, lies down at the edge of the pool next to him. Where is his heartbeat the strongest? Right there. She taps his chest over his heart.
“Blood to blood, heart to heart, mind to mind. Drac to soul. Marrying me means opening that all up. If I was properly married to Quincy already, he would know where I am. His drac leaning my way no matter how far apart. Our minds linked across the distance, talking to each other, hearing each other’s thoughts, sharing our senses if we wish. Marrying me is… I have to guess it’s like what your jotunn said, it’s taking parts, being intermixed. And there’s nothing in the world I want more than that with the men I love. I want you all in here. Want to give you everything I am.”
For a moment she falls silent then sighs. “I want to feel you all in here to wash me clean of the stain the demon put on my heart by having had the blood chain on me.”
~
“Yeah, that sounds… proper.” Why does it sound proper? Caliban has no idea. “Like, what’s the point of marrying otherwise? So, to answer your question… It sounds great. Give me a little bit to decide whether I should be concerned about how great it sounds when I’ve never considered anything more than repeated fucking with anyone, or whether that’s the hundred and fifty past days alone in this place talking, okay?”
Because, yeah… that’s his only objection.
Weird?
But she makes it sound… easy. And appealing. Like she’d really just… open her arms and hug him into her life with all her men and that’d be that and it’d be fine.
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“Of course, my Calidear. I am never ever going to force you to feel something you don’t. That’s important to me. I loved Quincy when he didn’t love me and never so much as asked him to consider marrying me. He thought he couldn’t love, he had tried so hard before and it never worked for him. It was always ‘strays’, as he called them. Make them better then let them go. He liked it but it wasn’t love.”
She smiles at the memory of him admitting that to her and John, holding both their hands, telling them how strange and wonderful it is to have them, have friends. And then later, how wonderful it is to love them. She can’t wait to hold all her men’s hands and tell them she loves them all. But she needs to give that spider a bit more time, too.
“We aren’t in a hurry. Take the time you need. I’ll keep watching my cute little spider make our web of love. It’s small right now, I want it to be huge. It has to be to fit you.”
One memory she definitely wants to feed to that web is soaping him up and pampering him, just, reaching over to the blob, it melted a bit alright, but that doesn’t feel like soap whatsoever, doesn’t smell like it, either, when she sniffs her finger. Now she’s pouting.
~